dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
