is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
