Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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