he shaved USA in his pubs
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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