i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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