If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
