ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think your dad took our porno
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
