Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
