I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
