best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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