well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
