Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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