She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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