The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
