He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
