4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
