Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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