I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
