so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
