I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
