Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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