You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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