Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
