just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
