Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
