Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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