Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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