are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
