So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
