Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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