My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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