Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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