He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
