and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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