it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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