Define "chronic" masturbator.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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