Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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