things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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