I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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