don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
