she kept yelling 'call me bella'
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
