what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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