I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
