If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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