There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
