Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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