i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
