That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
