This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
