I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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